The Sword of Doom (1966)

Wild, gory swordfights
Beautiful photography
Unresolved ending

Zebraman (2004)

So very absurd
It's "black and white ecstasy",
Hilarious songs

District 9 (2009)

Goofy aliens
Sophisticated story
Gravity gun, too!

The Last House on the Left (2009)

Solid production
But lacks the original's
Gross depravity

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

After watching this
I wanted to go out and
Scalp me some Nazis

The original haiku review is here.

The Votes Are In!

I am declaring
January "Zombie Month"
Any suggestions?

The Incredibles (2004)

Best hero movie?
Possibly the most mature
It's "Watchmen" for kids

A Christmas Story (1983)

Year after year it's
my favourite Christmas film:
"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Ninja Assassin (2009)

Ninjas like killing,
Chain-knives, and cgi blood
Story? Not so much

Vincent (1982)

Terrific short film
Foreshadowing Burton's work
Price is inspired choice

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

I wasn't prepared
For the utter mind fuck that
Is this awesome film

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Technical brilliance
A macabre Christmas movie
Music is great, too

The Nativity Story (2006)

Film's a bit boring
And so very very drab
No surprise ending

Frankenweenie (1984)

Shelley's Frankenstein
Mixed with Edward Scissorhands
Plus happy ending

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Kids seem to like it
Because they aren't old enough
To have any taste

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowmen (2000)

Like home movie with
Snowman on hot girl action
Bananas save day

Babes in Toyland (1934)

Want to get married?
She say no? Here's what to do:
Put her in stockade

Our First Review - And With A Special Apology to Our Japanese Readers

Over at IMDB, user "DVD123" offered this review, which I thought I would share with everyone:

"I thought your review of Bitch Slap was just one lone Haiku sacrilege, but now with the rest of your site in front of me, I see you enjoy raping the poetic form on a daily basis. Robert Rodriguez isn't the only one weeping. The entire nation of Japan is shedding a few tears over the debasement of their art form."


Seems Mr. 123 didn't like Bitch Slap, either.  You can read Mr. 123's other insults over here.

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

Terrific premise
Funny but not saccharine
"Ghostbusters" is great

The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Toolman must get hitched
Marries Juliette from Lost
Dharma runs "Tool Time"!

Bad Santa (2003)

Probably has most
anal sex references
in a Christmas film

Scrooged (1998)

Murray's fantastic
Great physical comedy
Clever idea

A Special Haiku to the Toronto Transit Commission

Want to increase fares?
Go ahead, but for fuck's sake
Get the trains running

White Christmas (1954)

Army meets showbiz
For nice but thin Christmas tale
With lots of singing

Black Christmas (1974)

Man, this film is weird
Original slasher with
no resolution

A Christmas Carol (1984)

Stagey TV film

Unneccessary remake

Good, but Scott's no Sim

Santa's Slay (2005)

PC Santa Claus

Kills Christians with Christmas stuff,

Jew with Menorrah

A Special Haiku About Steven Seagal: Lawman

No broken wrists or
perps through windows but he's still
the most badass cop

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

Twenty-five thousand
Christmas lights causing brownout
Classic Christmas scene

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Dahl meets Tenenbaums
Old school animation's great
Clooney's fantastic

Scrooge (1951)

Marlow is goofy
But Sim's definitive Scrooge
Classic Christmas film

Jingle All The Way (1996)

Governor punches
out Santa and a reindeer
I am not kidding

Die Hard (1988)

Greatest Christmas film
ever? "Ho Ho Ho, Now I
Have a Machinegun"